10 Ways To Annoy The Twilight Characters
by Donut37
Summary: Was originally called '10 Ways To Annoy Jacob Black'. Just some funny ways to annoy your favourite Twilight characters. Enjoy !
1. Jacob Black

_**10 Ways To Annoy Jacob Black**_

**1. **Give him a bowl to drink from

**2. **Give him some deodorant and say 'You stink'

**3.** Bark instead of talking to him

**4. **Give him a squeaky toy for his birthday

**5. **Tell him that Bella chose a leech over him

**6.** Throw a stick and tell him to fetch it

**7. **When he refuses point your finger and say 'Bad dog!'

**8. **Buy him a dog collar with his name on it

**9.** Buy him a leash and say 'I wanted to take you for a walk'

**10****. **Get him to walk in the sun and say 'Why don't you sparkle?!?!' between sobs

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**No offense Jake fans. I love him too. He's one of my fav characters.**

**What do you think??**

**If you want I will do one for other characters. Review and tell me :)**


	2. Edward Cullen

**_10 Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen_**

1. Ask him to bite you.

2. Give Bella a knife for her birthday

3. Every time he walk past you sing 'Like a virgin'

4. Tell him to eat a sandwich

5. When he refuses tell him that anorexia is unhealthy.

6. Every time he walks past picture Jacob naked

7. Ask him 'What kind of a man sparkles?!?'

8. Whenever he leaves beg him not to. Again.

9. Ask him why he watches people sleep, like a pedophile would.

10. Every time your near him scream 'MIND RAPE!!!'

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**What you think??  
Who should I do next & which one was your favourite?  
REVIEW and tell me.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!**


	3. Bella Swan

**_10 Ways To Annoy Bella Swan_**

1. Remind her that Rosalie was suppose to be Edwards wife

2. Call her Isabella

3. Set her up on a date with Mike

4. When she complains about not being a vampire throw glitter on her and say 'There, you sparkle like a vampire'

5. Tell her that Edward promised to make you a vampire.

6. Run to her and tell her that Alice just foresaw a monster coming to kill her. When Edward walks by, yell "THERE HE IS! ALICE WAS RIGHT!!"

7. Tell her that Edward is technically dead so she is into necrophilia. Tell her thats thats wrong and she needs help

8. Get Mike to go to her house in nothing but his underwear

9. At school go around saying 'HEY EVERYONE LOOK ITS BELLA!! HI BELLA!!' really loud

10. Every 10 minutes remind her that Edward is old enought to be her great, great- grandfather

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**What do you think?  
What was your fav line?**

**Review and tell me :)**


	4. Alice Cullen

_**10 Ways To Annoy Alice Cullen**_

**1.** Burn her clothes

**2.** Ask her about her childhood

**3.** Tell her that theres a special designer brand shoe sale at .........La push

**4. **Every time she talks to you respond with 'Sure midget'

**5.** Ask her what you will be doing in 2 minutes every 5 minutes.

**6.** Take her credit cards, hold them above your head and say 'Jump pixie jump'.

**7.** Whenever she talks say 'What is that squeaking noise?'

**8.** Every time she gets a vision poke her repeatedly and ask her if her 'spidey senses' are tingling

**9.** Tell her that Jasper went back to Maria

**10.** Take her shoes and stand at the other side of the treaty line and say 'What's wrong midget?'

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**What was your favourite line?? Who should I do next??**

**I love reviews!! *wink wink nudge nudge* **


	5. Jasper Hale

**_10 Ways To Annoy Jasper Hale/Cullen_**

1. Whenever he says something shout 'Yes, sir!' while saluting

2. Ask him to bite you

3. When he says no say 'are you sure you don't want a taste?'

4. Call him a walking mood ring

5. Keep changing your emotions while your around him

6. When he asks why you're doing it say "I HAVE PMS OKAY!??!' and start crying

7. Ask him if ghost are real and when he replies ask "Do you have a cousin named Casper?"

8. Get tomato sauce ,put it on yourself and yell "I'M A NEWBORN!!"

9. When he says that's just tomato sauce say 'That's not what Maria told me"

10. Remind him that it's his fault that Edward left Bella in the first place every 10 minutes

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**I only got 1 review for the last chapter so I was a bit unsure if i should even put this up---but i did anyways.  
****I've finished all the Cullens so If you have any ideas on who I should do next please review & tell me :)**

**Oh, Merry Christmas by the way :) Hope you guys have a great day **

**_I love REVIEWS~!!_**


	6. Rosalie Hale

**_10 Ways To Annoy Rosalie Hale/Cullen_**

1. Wave a baby in front of her face

2. Remind her that Edward picked a human over her

3. Cut off her hair

4. Start laughing randomly, when she asks what's so funny tell her she wouldn't get it 'cos she's blonde

5. Put animal blood in her bed and scream "OMG ROSALIE HAD HER FIRST PERIOD!" and then run like hell

6. Follow her around everyday & when she asks what your doing say 'I'm trying to figure out how a vampire can be so ugly'

7. Tell her she smells like a wet dog

8. Say 'I can have children' every 5 minutes

9. Tell her Royce says hi

10. When she kisses Emmett yell 'BISEXUAL!!'

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**lol. I was laughing so hard at #5.  
What was your favourite line??**

**REVIEW~!!**


	7. Emmett Cullen

**_10 Ways To Annoy Emmett Cullen_**

1. Say that Edward's Volvo is better than his Jeep

2. Tell him that he got told by an invisible line. (The Treaty line)

3. Remind him that he lost an arm wrestle to a girl.

4. Remind him that Edward and Rosalie were meant to be together

5. Cover his Jeep in honey

6. When he asks why you did it say 'I thought bears liked honey' (Get it? Cos he's like a big teddy bear)

7. Tell him that he has some grizzly stuck in between his teeth

8. Every time he says something respond with 'Sure thing Steroids'

9. Ask him what Rosalie calls him in bed

10. Tell him he's all beef and no brains

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**What do you think?? I'm having some trouble with Rosalie but I'll try to get hers up ASAP**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	8. Carlisle Cullen

**_10 Ways To Annoy Carlisle Cullen_**

1. Ask him how his power would help him in a fight. Love the enemies to death?

2. Put a picture of Emmett in his underwear in his office.

3. Ask if blondes really do have more fun

4. Run around the ER room saying "I've been bitten! I've been bitten!

5. Ask him how old he is

6. When he answers buy him some anti-wrinkle cream and whisper ' thought you might need this'

7. Every time he says something answer with 'No problem Gramps'

8. Screech next to his ear every two minutes, "OMYGOD IT'S CARLISLE!!!'

9. Start crying and say 'Why does Esme get her own island and I don't?!?!'

10. Tell him the only reason Esme jumped off the cliff was because she saw him coming.

* * *

**I know people wanted Rose next but I already did Carlisle so I thought I'd put him up first.**

**What do you think?? What was your fav line??**

**Review and tell me :)**


	9. Esme Cullen

**_10 Ways To Annoy Esme Cullen_**

1. Break all the furniture

2. Redecorate the house

3. Start chewing on hair.

4. When she asks you what you are doing, tell her you were wondering if her hair tasted like caramel

5. Ask her why she married someone 2 centuries older than her

6. When she answers tell that that makes her a kitten (older is a cougar. Younger is a kitten. Get it?)

7. Ask her how she jumped off a cliff and survived. When she doesn't answer, ask if she is secretly Superman.

8. Tell her what Carlisle really does on his late night shifts at the hospital.

9. Say, ' You look like my dad, he has a beard' while smiling innocently

10. Eat her food and scream 'THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!!'

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**Esme was probably the hardest to do because she's so sweet & caring ^^  
Fav line?? **

**Next up is Jasper~! **

**_Please review!!_**


	10. Aro Vulturi

**10 Ways To Annoy Aro Vulturi**

1. Get a water bottle and throw some water on him while yelling , "The power of Christ compels you!"

2. Show him all of the 'intimate' moments with Bella & Edward.

3. When he goes to touch you to read your mind, picture him dancing in Edward's meadow singing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."

4. When Aro trys to touch you scream "Mind rapist, Get away from me!!"

5. Ask him if his food is "O-positively good"

6. Tell him that Edward's power is better than his.

7. Hum the Darth Vader theme when ever he enters a room.

8. When he say something like "Why me?" casually answer "Because you're damned and God hates you"

9. When he asks you which ways something is answer with 'Follow the Arrow"

10. When he gets angry say 'No more O negative for you'

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**Number 9 was suppose to be Arrow like his name. Yeah, I couldnt come up with anything else.........**

**Either Charlie or Sam will be next. You'll just have to wait and see *mysterious voice* lol  
Just a special shout out to SPSgurl96. Thank you for reviewing and sending me some awesome ideas. Please go and check out her stories and dont forget to review :) **

_Please review!!!_


	11. Leah Clearwater

**_10 Ways To Annoy Leah Clearwater_**

1. Push her into Sam and say ' Aww... aren't you a cute couple' ( Thanks SPSgurl96)

2. Remind her how amazing Emily is every 5 minutes

3. Ask her what it's like to be a man in a womens body

4. Look at her and say 'Eww, no wonder Sam left you'

5. Say "What does it feel like to know you can never have children?" every 10 minutes

6 Send her love letters and sign them, 'Love, Sam'

7. Tell her you know why Sam left her- tell her it's because he thought she  
was secretly a man ( Thanks SPSgurl96)

8. Whenever she talks block your nose and say 'Doggie breath'

9. When she gets angry and bites you scream 'RABIES!!'

10. When shes in wolf form take her clothes and say that Jacob stole them.

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**A big thank you to SPSgurl96 for giving me these 2 ideas =D THANK YOU!!**

**I'm going to try something new for this chapter. Everytime someone reviews I will send them 1 way to annoy one of the Twilight characters. So REVIEW!!!**

**What was your favourite line/s??**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!! REVIEW!!**


	12. Sam Uley

_**10 Ways To Annoy Sam Uley**_

**1.** Everytime he talks reply with 'Sure Samantha'

**2.** When he gets angry say 'Now now, you don't want me to end up like Emily now do you?' (Don't stand too close when you say this)

**3.** Ask him what it's like seeing his ex-love naked

**4.** Remind him that he broke Leah's heart every 5 minutes

**5.** Tell him that everyone thinks Jacob should be Alpha

**6.** Going around singing the 'Fireman Sam' theme song

**7.** Tell him that Emily got plastic surgery because she hated the scars.

**8.** Go up to him and say 'I think your abs are turning into flabs' while poking them

**9.** Sing 'Leah & Sam, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G' really loudly

**10.** When he denies that him and Leah are going out say 'Thats not what Emily told me'

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**You know the drill - What was your Favourite line or lines?**

**Just a question for you guys ---- Should I keep doing the thing where I give people one way to annoy a character if they review? You guys decide.  
Review and tell me :D**

**PLEASE REVIEW~!!  
I'll give you a hug if you do :)**


	13. Renesmee Cullen

_**10 Ways To Annoy Renesmee Cullen**_

1. Tell her that Jacob loved her mum before he loved her

2. Give her a plush Loch Ness Monster for her birthday

3. Scream 'OMG!!! IT'S A-A-A, what the hell are you?' whenever she walks past

4. Ask if she'd like to take Jakes paw in marriage one day.

5. When she walks in the room shriek 'AHHHH THE LOCH NESS MONSTER'

6. Remind her that Jacob has kissed her mum before every 5 minutes

7. Tell her that Renesmee sounds like a disease

8. Say, 'Hey look, I found a picture of you. It looks exactly the same' while showing her a picture of the Loch Ness Monster

9. Ask her what she's going to name her puppies

10. Take pictures of her and when she asks what your doing say 'Giving proof that the Loch Ness Monster is real'

* * *

**Hi guys,**

**Sorry I didn't update that fast. I was at my cousins for 3 days then I went to Movie World with one of my friends!! Heaps of funny things happened. I better stop before I bore you all.  
Anyway, some people were saying that they wanted me to do Renesmee so I thought I would. Hope you liked this chapter & please don't forget to review :D**

**.**

**Reviews = Update :)**

**No reviews = No update :(**


	14. Charlie Swan

_**10 Ways To Annoy Charlie Swan**_

1. Tell him that Billy has a crush on him

2. Give him a cat named Edward and a dog named Jacob and record his reaction

3. Make Alice give him, 'The talk'

4. Every time he leaves a room say 'The eagle has left the building' in a deep voice

5. Get him to cook & eat his own food

6. Tell him Bella's pregnant but you're having trouble figuring out who the father is. Bella's unsure whether it's Edward, Carlisle, Jake or Mike

7. Tell him that Edward sleeps with Bella every night

8. Get a plastic gun and every time he walks past pretend to shoot him

9. When he gets angry say 'Shh... You don't want to disturb Bella & Edward upstairs now do you'

10. Ask him if he's secretly Charlie the Unicorn

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**Some people have been asking me to do Charlie so I though I would :D  
I was thinking of doing Paul or Seth next. **

**Please ****REVIEW**** and tell me what you think.**


	15. Paul

_**10 Ways To Annoy Paul**_

1. When he phases take his clothes and hide them on the other side of the treaty line

2. When he gets angry suggest he should take anger management classes

3. When he denies it say "Denial is the first step"

4. Mention Rachel (His imprint) in every conversation.

5. Call him Paulina

6. Tell everyone the reason he gets upset easily is because he has PMS

7. Tell him everyone thinks Leah and him would make a good couple.

8. Tell him that he's getting fat

9. When he says he isn't say "Ohhh.... your having a baby. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone'

10. When ever he gets angry say 'Paul, you don't want to hurt the baby now do you'

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**I still have a lot of characters to do so this story won't be over that fast (Unless you guys want me to stop).  
Also people have been putting this story on their story alert but they havn't been reviewing so please review. I'd appreciate it =D **

**What do you think?? What was your fav line or lines??**

**Please review and tell me. **


	16. Mike Welch

**_10 Ways To Annoy Mike Newton_**

1. Remind him that Bella didn't choose him every 5 minutes

2. Tell him that Bella Cullen sounds better than Bella Newton

3. Go around singing 'Hey Mickey' but change the lyrics to 'Hey Mikey'

4. When he says hi to you scream "PERVERT! GET AWAY FROM ME!!"

5. Ask him if he's gay

6. And if that was the reason Jessica dumped him

7. Tell him that Jessicas pregnant.

8. And the baby is his.

9. Tell him that he reminds you of a golden retriever

10. Whenever he starts talking spray him with water and say 'Bad Mikey'

* * *

**Hi guys!!  
Sorry that I havnt updated in a while, I was waiting for a couple more reviews.**

**I start high school soon so I'll try to update as much as I can before I start school.  
I'll still be updating when I start so you don't have to worry :D**

**Anyway, What was your favourite line or lines?**

**Please review. We're close to 100!!!**

_ PLEASE REVIEW!!!_


	17. Seth Clearwater

_**10 Ways To Annoy Seth Clearwater**_

1. Follow him around all day with a 'Danger: Beware of dog' sign ( Thanks PuddingInTheSky)

2. Follow him around all day- when he tries to speak scream 'SHUT UP SETH' (Thanks PuddingInTheSky )

3. Call him pup.

4. When he says he's bored give him a squeaky toy to play with

5. Grab a bucket of water and dump it on him

6. When he asks why you did it say you were giving him a bath

7. Tell him the only reason the Cullens were nice to him is because they wanted the dirt about the pack.

8. Ask him what it feels like to see his sister naked

9. Tell everyone that he's in a relationship with leah

10. When he denies it say 'Ohh...You like guys. It's Ok, I wont tell anyone'

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**I HAVE OVER 100 REVIEWS!!!!**

**Thanks to...**

**Renesmee is Awesome,****someone,****csr,****Iheartnone,****thefiremaster,****Cullen Concession,****girlpower8900,The(dot)new(dot)blue(dot)eyed(dot)girl(dot)620,Youkai ****Kisaki,****Victoria Taylor,****Rosalies-Evil-Twin,****PlacidCupid,****La Boricua Cullen,****EmbryLovesMeBetter,****CARohanne,****cheesebananasntwilight4Gail,****cazares.a,****crevettes,****rockstar87,****izzyytx33,****PuddingInTheSky,****Eslisle Cullen,****BookyGurl,****Morgan Billups,****THETWILIGHTSAGAOBSSESEDGIRL,****Junosphere,****xLiLM0x,****'BlueEyedImmortal,****sun-shine99,****TwiPrincessSami,****StopTheMadness,****Rebecca,****TheImmortalFairy,****laura-bookworm,****AliceCullen'sBarbie,****Sky Diamonds06,****ali,****Twihard4ever17,****BBFree,****TaylorRoxMySoul96,****DanMarie96,****TheRealOlgathy, .Rosalie(dot)H(dot)Emmett(dot)C(dot) 4ever(dot)**

Thank you guys so much!! I couldn't of done it without you :D

**Sorry If I missed anyone.**

**ps. (dot) just means . - For some reason my computer didn't put the the names in if they had too many dots**

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**Please review :)**


	18. Embry Call

**10 Ways To Annoy Embry Call **

1. Ask him if he heals fast

2. When he says yes chase him around with a knife

3. When he goes to the toilet give him a plastic bag and remind him to pick it up

4. Ask him if Sam looks good naked

5. When he takes his shirt off start singing "I'm too sexy for my shirt"

6. Whenever he walks past half naked scream "NO I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU"

7. When you see him say "Call.......Embry Call" in a James Bond type voice

8. Tell him that you know he goes commando.

9. Say that the other guys know he pervs at them and wants him to stop

10. When he denies it say "It's ok, I know their 6 packs are irresistible"

* * *

**Hey guys, long time no type. I haven't died or anything like that I've just started high school so I've been busy adjusting and finish homework and assignments**  
**-sigh- life is hard.**

**Anyway, favourite line/s?? Review and tell me**

**xDD**


	19. You can kill me

I am sooooooooooooooooooo sorry that I haven't updated in ages. You have my permission to kill me. (Please make it quick though)

I will try to update more often now though cos I'm on school holidays ( Woo! Par-tay!)

I don't know who I should annoy next out of the Twilight characters so if you have ideas please PM me or review and tell me. The quicker you guys tell me the sooner it will be up

Again, I am so sorry that I haven't updated in ages and please forgive me!

-Donut37


	20. Quil Attera

10 Ways To Annoy Quil Attera

* * *

**1. **Tell him that he wont be able to have sex until Claire is older. Which is at lest another 16 years….

**2.** Tell him that Claire wont choose him when she grows up

**3. **Tell him that no body belives that he is just a big brother to Claire. They all think he's raping her

**4.** Ask him what kind of a name Quil is. Is he like a feather or something ( Inspired by Ice Bird Alchemist)

**5.** Tell him that he needs to work out more.

**6. **Call him Quilt (Quilt cos he's warm like a blanket! Ha ha *awkward laugh*)

**7. **Dress Claire up as a vampire for halloween

**8. **If he asks to meet your family deny and say, " No thanks. You might imprint on my baby cousin"

**9.** Keep reminding him that Embry and Jacob became werewolves before he did.

**10.** Sign him up for Jenny-Craig and tell him that he has to go on a diet and when he denies say that Claire told you that he was fat.

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**Drum roll please... TA-DA I have updated. FINALLY**

**And... MY BIRTHDAY WAS ON THE 22ND! WOOO~! Can you review as a gift?**

Anyway,Wat did you guys think? Good? bad? fantabulous? Review and tell me. Even if it's bad.

**Oh, Someone asked me what my name was the other day and my middle name is Nicole so I use that because my first name is too difficult for people to pronounce *sigh*. Don't you hate if when parents give you weird names. _QUESTION OF THE DAY_ Do any of you have weird/interesting names? Tell me. I'm all ears!**


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